Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
