It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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