3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
