You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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