you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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