I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
