tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
