I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
