According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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