I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
