would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
