she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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