Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
