She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
