what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
