Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
