I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
whose ass print is on the piano?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
