One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
