turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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