Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
