It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
