she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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