so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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