Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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