im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
