New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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