3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
