We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
