I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
