Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you had me at cake vodka
We left the knife in your bed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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