Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
