U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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