Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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