she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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