Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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