Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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