Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
