god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
