just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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