dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
