Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I had your ass I would rule the world
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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