piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
