I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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