It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
