Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
