So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
