I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
