I should be sponsored by Trojan
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
