I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
