I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So squirting runs in the family.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
