It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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