Having a random hookup so left but love u
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
