Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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